By Christopher Cirino
Good day Dean “Deano” Baqauet,
I hope today finds you well, at your desk as the Executive Editor of the acclaimed New York Times. We haven’t spoken in a while, so I thought we could touch on a few of Joey’s and his stellar administration’s recent accomplishments. Frankly, it is tough to keep up with this administration and all they do, day in and day out. As usual, your New York Times is at the forefront with its always unbiased, apolitical reporting. I will regretfully have to include the opinions and factual reporting of those on the radical right.
Inflation, What Inflation?
It seems Joey, and the effervescent Jenny Psaki have been touting wage gains for 2021. It came in at a very commendable 4.7%. They have been repeating this fact over and over. What is it that the radical right doesn’t get, Deano old sport?
Well, here is what Conservatives have been saying: what good is a wage gain of 4.7%, when the inflation rate came in at 7%. Using elementary math, that is a net loss of 2.3% in purchasing power. I can’t for the life of me understand why Goebbels protégé, Little Red Lying Hood, never mentions this minor detail. Oh, by the way, that number has increased to 7.5% as of February 2022. I think little Joey is confused, you want the number to get smaller, not higher…oh, that Joey.
Well hold on now, let’s be fair and hear what Joey Bidenflation has to say on the matter. When asked by Lester Holt recently, “Mr. installed POTUS, when you said back in July of 2021 that inflation was temporary, the American people (who you work for) want to know what your definition of temporary is?” The always diplomatic and charismatic Joey said, “well, you’re being a wise guy with me a little bit.” Very Presidential like wouldn’t you agree, Deano? Well, at least he didn’t call him, “a stupid son of a bit**.” So, I guess we can consider that progress. Conservatives point out that he should use this new found tough guy persona when he talks to Putin and Xi Jinping, instead of the trained lap dog which he now portrays.
Some Minor Details
The right projects such negativity, maybe this is why. As far as facts go (As per Fortune Magazine, for 2021):
- gasoline, up 49.6%
- heating oil, up 41%
- -used cars, up 37.3%
- natural gas, up 24.1%
- new cars, up 11.8%
- food, up 6.3%
- Etc., etc., etc.
Well, you get the picture, I think there is only one thing we can summarize by all these numbers…………yep, President Trump is a racist!
Let’s not forget that number has increased again in the approximately 6 weeks of 2022, to 7.5% y/y inflation. At this rate multimillionaire Nancy Pelosi, will have to cut down on her gourmet ice cream purchases. Thank goodness her husband has the uncanny ability to time his stock trades just right, he is simply amazing, almost like he has insider information. I would hate to hear Ole Nancy not getting her fill of Chunky Monkey. I would have thought that Rum Raisin would have been the old girls favorite.
Masks Aren’t Needed……..Sometimes
Well Deano, it looks like some of the deep blue states are lifting mask restrictions. This is on the heels of the infamous Stacey Abrams picture: where she is pictured maskless, while surrounded by mask wearing elementary students (extremely contagious carriers of covid).
Her spokesperson gave quite a few reasons for this, let’s look at some of them.
- she did have her mask on. Ah, maybe there was someone else who look’s exactly like Stacey in the school that day. Not very likely, eh Deano?
- that she only took it off for a second to eat or drink something. Consensus is that she may use more than a couple of seconds for that activity.
- that this was a racial smear campaign during black history month to besmirch this tremendous leader of the far left liberal party, “a false political attack,” they say. Hey, ya never know, maybe elected President Trump was behind the camera.
Maybe she was holding her breath during all these photos like the Mayor of Los Angeles, said he did, when he was at the Rams-49er’s game pictured maskless with Magic Johnson and Governor Newsom, repeatedly I might add. Man, that guy must have been holding his breath all day. Maybe Stacey and him are deep sea snorkelers or something with great lung capacity. I don’t picture Stacey underwater, with the wet suit and spear gun, but that is me.
Stacey Shows Integrity
Then, finally Stacey owned up to it and apologized for lashing out against the science and going maskless. See, what a great example for the children: when caught doing something wrong, try every possible way to deny it or lie and when all else fails, then own up to it. Yes, a fantastic example. Conservatives say it is right out of the playbook of the Vegetable-In-Chief, except little Joey never owns up to the truth in the end. He just turns around and runs away, or calls you “a stupid son of a bit**”, or they cut his live feed off, or they manhandle the screaming press away from him, or he just feebly smiles and stares straight ahead…….sort of like someone’s poor old Grandpa residing in a nursing home.
Barack Hussein Maskless?
Even, Barry Soetoro/Barack Hussein got involved with the mask controversy. He was seen recently in Hawaii overseeing the construction of his mansion (not to be confused with his Washington or Martha’s Vineyard mansions). He was photographed maskless as he was surrounded by mask wearing contractors. He did not look happy at all, word is they got the wrong cut of marble for the master bath delivered from Italy. I can understand his dismay, stuff like that drives me crazy. But still Barack Hussein, you have to remember, THE SCIENCE! I mean, what if there was a nursery school child running around maskless there, your life could have been in mortal danger. Respect the science Barry.
Heels Up To The Rescue
Well Deano, things are getting very tense over there at the Ukraine border, very tense indeed. Personally I’m not worried at all with Joey Talibiden at the helm. Of course you can’t discount his all-star staff including General “I’ll give the enemy a heads up if we’re on the way” Milley. Or Secretary of Defense Austin, or Secretary of State Blinkin, those great military minds who orchestrated the highly successful evacuation from Afghanistan. These men alone should instill great confidence, but alas Joey has called in the big guns, yep Heels-Up Harris is now on the case.
After all her accomplishments on the Southern border, it is a no-brainer that she be put in charge of this mighty assignment. Don’t you remember that commanding speech of hers, 100’s of miles away from the actual Southern Border. What was it again, oh yeah, “Don’t come, Don’t come.” It still gives me shivers, the same impact as a FDR, MLK, JFK or even a FJB (teleprompter) rousing speech, wouldn’t you agree Deano? I mean ONE visit to the Southern border for approximately 40 minutes, before jetting to her affluent enclave in Brentwood California, in 13 months; what else do you want Conservative’s? The woman is not a machine. On a positive note, look at all the bakery’s she can sample pastries at between Brentwood California and the Ukraine border; see win, win.
Can Ya Spare a Room
It seems like those great innovators of California have come up with a great strategy to combat the homeless problem plaguing them. The Mayor of Richmond, California, a town about 20 miles from Nancy Pelosi and Adam (impeachment expert) Schiff’s San Francisco. Well Deano, he has come up with what I think is a fantastic idea. Those with spare rooms in their house should offer them up to the homeless. Why did it take so long for someone to come up with this trailblazing idea? Just look at the benefits, if you’re a working parent, you now have live in child care. You could come home to a home cooked meal every night by your new houseguest, perhaps share a can of beans and beef jerky. Someone who can clean your house, sans the occasional syringe or crack pipe. Hey speaking of crack pipes, Conservatives are asking if the Mayor got into one of Brandon’s $30,000,000 safe smoking kits , with this asinine idea. No word if Hunter (famous artist) is eligible for the program, he is currently busy painting $500,000 pieces of artwork for …undisclosed buyers (there is that transparency thing little Joey is always talking about).
Any Rooms Available Deano?
I’m just curious Deano, will you be opening any of your spare rooms to the homeless? I mean you’re not too far away in your toney affluent, highly non-diverse enclave in Larchmont, California. I know your paper Pravda, sorry I mean The NY Times, often spotlights the homeless and the downtrodden. I think this would be a great opportunity for you to back up the cause with the grand jester of opening your estate to the homeless.
Think of the ripple effect it could have. Chardonnay Pelosi could open up her palatial estate to some of these individuals. Word is she does get a little territorial with her $14 pints of gourmet ice cream and her extensive wine collection. Hey maybe she could put Lt. Byrd, who murdered unarmed veteran Ashli Babbitt, in charge of security at the Pelosi estate. Provided he doesn’t leave his gun unattended in the bathroom again, that silly goose.
Then we could move this idea onto the Clinton’s, Obama’s (he will soon have 3 mansions to house them), Schumer’s , Nadler’s, Cuomo’s (sorry, I think he is back in his 90 year old Mother’s basement), AOC’s, (she could pick up some more bartending gigs, while they do her housework), Tom Hanks, Meryl Streep (Harvey Weinstein, Roman Polanski fan), Lebron (what genocide in China?), Bruce, Leo DiCaprio (climate activists, unless flying around in private jets with models 30 years his junior), you see, the list is endless.
Well, that’s it for now Deano. I hope to have more for you relatively soon. I would like to discuss the article your “newspaper” ran a few weeks ago. You seemed concerned with the amount of Republicans that are running for Secretary of State in vulnerable swing states. Your major concern is election integrity …….I’m sorry, I had to grab a tissue to wipe tears running down my cheeks …from laughing, that is. Yep, we have to keep the integrity in check in those swing states, you know just like 2020.
I also want to touch base with you soon in regards to the new Mayor of New York, Eric Adams. It seems a video has surfaced with him referring to white police officers as “Crackers.” I’d like to hear your opinion. President Trump is a racist!
Astonishing, there was no mention of this video in your esteemed tabloid. I did have a series of rather lively exchanges with one of your compensated Op-Ed contributors. Ah, we’ll discuss that next time Deano, old sport. For now, keep on “printing the news that’s fit to print.” Your integrity to your profession abounds.
©Christopher Cirino. All rights reserved.