Liberal Wants To Join A Union But Realizes He’d Have To Get A Job

PORTLAND, OR—Henry Trudeau is passionately pro-union. He changes his profile picture to support unions that are going on strike and browses Twitter to voice his support for teachers’ unions, ironworkers’ unions, and any other union that gets involved in a labor dispute. He likes unions so much, in fact, that he decided to go all the way and join one. But he was disappointed to discover that in order to join a union he would first have to get a job.

“Aww, man! That’s so lame,” he said as he browsed the website for his local lumberjack union and realized that in order to join, he’d have to get up every morning and chop down trees. “That’s so ga–I mean, that’s so cishet. It’s totally discriminatory! Why do you have to actually work to join a union?”

He browsed union after union online, and sure enough, they all required employment to be a member.

“The teachers’ union looks pretty promising, as you can get a job but then just stay home,” he said. “But that’s still a lot of work, when all I was trying to do was morally posture online. Ugh.”

At publishing time, Trudeau had decided to found the world’s first “unemployed’s union,” where you can have the smug superiority of joining a union but not actually have to go to work.

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