A fantasy about hundreds of minority groups demanding recognition after being excluded from diversity and inclusion initiatives.

TUCSON – Hundreds of minority groups excluded from diversity and inclusion initiatives can now join the Federation of Real Minorities, or FORM.

Membership is open to anyone from an ethnocultural group that comprises less than three percent of the U.S. population and a much smaller percent of leadership positions in government, corporations, academia, and nonprofits.

A partial list of eligible groups is at the end of this article. The 555 on the list are but a fraction of all of the eligible groups.

FORM’s spokesperson is Farsheed Hooshmand, whose ancestral roots go back to the Barazani tribe in Iranian Balochistan. His parents had immigrated to Tucson when he was an infant because the climate is similar to their homeland in southern Iran.

Hooshmand looks white, considers himself to be white, and is seen as white by his Mexican-American neighbors in the barrio and by his coworkers at the University of Arizona, where he is employed in the maintenance department.

“No one of my ethnicity is a department chair at the university,” Hooshmand explained, “or is an executive on the administrative side of the university, or holds a position in the Department of Diversity and Inclusion. Worse, when students see my skin color, they have been conditioned to think I’m privileged and/or a supremacist.”

He went on to explain that when some people hear his name and learn where his family is from, they assume he is Arab or a terrorist, thus showing their profound ignorance of Persians. “My family isn’t even Muslim,” Hooshmand said. “They’re Zoroastrians whose forebears had migrated from northern Iran to southern Iran, where they were a tiny minority.”

Hooshmand hates the ayatollah and blames the U.S. for the Islamic regime taking over the country. He understands the American obsession with the legacies of slavery but bristles over America’s longstanding alliance with the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, which didn’t officially end slavery until 1962, or 99 years after the Emancipation Proclamation. “Do Americans even know that?” he asks.

Asked why his group is named the Federation of Real Minorities, Hooshmand explained that it is to distinguish the group from phony minority groups, especially the ones mislabeled as Asian and Hispanic.

“All ethnocultural groups in America are minorities,” Hooshmand said, “as no group is a majority of the population, including the scores of unprivileged and poor groups that are lumped together under the White category.”

Hooshmand claims that because of government labeling, some diverse groups with little in common culturally or historically are lumped together to create the impression that they are monolithic and larger in numbers than they really are. They have used this aggregation to their benefit to attain political power and to be included in diversity initiatives.

“This takes away from the original intent of civil right legislation, affirmative action, and diversity—to remedy the terrible injustices committed against African Americans and Native Americans,” said Hooshmand.

He used the example of a recent Wall Street Journal story about Asian Americans demanding more recognition and advancement in the workplace. The story was titled, “Asian-Americans Push for Visibility at Work,” authored by Te-Ping Chen.

Hooshmand became animated when talking about the story. “First, like most publications in America, the reporter is expected to write about her own race, although Asian isn’t a race or ethnicity. Second, in spite of knowing better, she writes as if all Asians are the same, regardless of marked differences in nationality, religion, ethnicity, culture, and history. Third, the so-called Asians in the story engaged in stereotypes, saying that they lag whites in promotions because they aren’t as pushy as whites.”

“It’s apparently okay to stereotype tens of millions of people under the guise of diversity,” said Hooshmand. He added, “When the phony category of Asian is broken down into its true ethnocultural subgroups, it becomes clear that some of the groups are doing very well in America, in spite of what the article purported.”

To back up his last point, Hooshmand cited a study showing that among 100 ethnic groups, East Indian Americans rank first in household income, Taiwanese Americans rank second, Filipino Americans rank fifth, Chinese Americans rank seventh, Japanese Americans rank eighth, and Singaporean Americans rank tenth. The study didn’t have the ranking for Iranian Americans, but it did for Jordanian Americans and Iraqi Americans, who rank 82nd and 98th respectively.

“Even overweight Americans are getting into the victim game and demanding to be included in diversity initiatives,” lamented Hooshmand. “With 70% of Americans being overweight, they’ll carry a lot of weight with politicians and corporate CEOs.”

He was referring to an article that appeared in Good Housekeeping about overweight Americans accusing thin people of having “thin privilege.”

When asked if FORM would lead to a further Balkanization of America, Hooshmand said, “Most certainly! But this wasn’t started by us. If small minority groups don’t organize, they’ll be steamrolled by artificially inflated ones that have political clout.”

He was asked a final question about departments of diversity and inclusion becoming overwhelmed if they are faced with the impossibility of ensuring that hundreds of minority groups are equally represented on boards of directors and in management and executive positions.

“You get the point,” he responded with a wink.

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Partial List of Ethnocultural Groups That Are Eligible to Join the Federation of Real Minorities

Askani, Bajkani, Bangulzai, Barazani, Bhurgari, Bugti, Buledi, Chandio, Darzada, Dehwar, Dodai, Dombki, Gabol, Ghazini, Jamali, Jatoi, Kalmati, Khetran, Kunara, Langhani, Lango, Lashkrani, Loharani, Lund, Marri, Mazari, Mengal, Mirali, Mugheri, Muhammad Shahi, Mullazai, Nothazai, Pitafi, Qaisrani, Rind, Sadozai, Sethwi, Shaikhzadah, Talpur, Tauki, Umrani, Yarahmadzai, Zardari, Makrani, Ayrums, Bayat, Karadaghis, Qajars, Küresünni, Qarapapaqs, Shahsevan, Terekeme, Yeraz, Afshar, Turkish Armenians, Cherkesogai, Armeno-Tats, Hayhurum Karabakhis, Bedouins, Druze, Shirazis (including Zanzibaris, Comorians and Maores), Baggara, Arab-Berbers (including Algerians, Libyans, Mauritanians, Moroccans, Sahrawis and Tunisians), Bahrainis, Sudanese, Egyptians, Iraqis (including Marsh Arabs), Jordanians, Lebanese (including Maronites), Kuwaitis, Omanis (including Dhofaris), Qataris, Saudis (including Rashaida, Hejazis, and Najdis), Syrians (including Alawites), Palestinians, Emiratis, Yemenis (including Hadhrami, Ta’izzis-Adenis, Akhdam, Sanʽani, and Tihami), Ayrums, Bayat, Karadaghis, Qajars, Küresünni, Qarapapaqs, Shahsevan, Terekeme, Yeraz, Afshar, Brabers, Chaouis, Kabyle, Sahrawi, Chenouas, Ghomaras, Houara, Jerbis, Matmatas, Mozabite, Nafusis, Rifian, Sanhaja de Srair, Shilha, Siwi, Tuaregs, Awjila, Arab-Berbers, Barda, Bhagalia, Bhilala, Bhil Gametia, Bhil Garasia, Bhil Kataria, Bhil Mama, Bhil Mavchi, Dholi Bhil, Dungri Bhil, Damor, Dungri Garasia, Mewasi Bhil, Nirdhi Bhil, Rawal Bhil, Tadvi Bhil, Vasava, Bhil Meena, Chaudhri, Kendayan, Selako, Bakati’, Sara Bakati’, Laraʼ, Bukar Sadong, Biatah, Tringgus, Jagoi, Jangkang, Kembayan, Semandang, Ribun, Nyadu’, Sanggau, Bohemians, Moravians, Silesians, Gronings, Arubans, Bonairians, Curaçaoans, Sabans, St. Maarteners, St. Eustatians, Surinamese, Mennonites, Arpitans, Burgundians, Champenois, Free Countians, Gallo, Lorrainers, Normans (including Channel Islanders), Picards, Poitevins (including Saintongeais), Barthélemoise, Saint-Martinois, French Guianese, Caldoche, Réunionese (including Zoreilles), Saint-Pierrais, Greek Cypriots, Pontic Greeks, Cappadocian Greeks, Sarakatsani, Urums, Griko, Macedonian Greeks, Anatolian Greeks, Koli, Bharwad, Khoja, Patidar, Sunni Bohra, Lohana, Vagri, Kharva, Charan, Baria, Momna, Ghanchi, Shenva, Bhambi Khalpa, Zarabes, Bhoi, Luso-Indians, Khatana, Solanki, Parihar, Tanwar, Parmar, Chandel, Chauhan, Bhadana, Bhatti, Kohli, Tomar, Panwar, Pawar, Bainsla, Bagri, Hans, Subei, Cantonese (including Taishanese, Hongkongers, Tankas, Chuanqing and Macanese), Hui, Fujianese (including Fuzhounese, Hoklo, Hui’an maidens, Putianese, and Teochew), Gaoshan Han, Gan, Hakka (including Ngái), Hebei, Hunanese, Jianghuai, Shandong, Sichuanese, Wu (including Shanghainese, Ningbonese, and Wenzhou), Han Taiwanese, A-Hmao, Gha-Mu, Xong, Pa-Hng, Kadazan, Dusun, Dumpas, Ida’an, Kwijau, Lotud, Mangka’ak, Maragang, Minokok, Orang Sungai, Rumanau, Rungus, Tambanuo, Bruneians, Kedahans, Pattani, Pahang, Musi, Palembangese, Pontianaks, Terengganuarians, Kelantanese, Perakians, Berau, Proto-Malay (including Orang Kuala, Jakun, Orang Rimba, Orang Seletar, and Temuan), Lubu, Palembangnese, Maya, Achi, Chuj, Ch’orti’, Itza, K’iche’, Q’eqchi’, Xinca, Tektitek, Huastecan, Mopan, Lacandon, Chontal, Akatek, Jakaltek, Q’anjob’al, Tzeltal, Mocho’, Tojolab’al, Mam, Ixil, Tzotzil, Poqomam, Yucatecan Maya, Motozintlecos, Awakatek, Kaqchikel, Sakapultek, Sipakapense, Uspantek, Ch’ol, Tz’utujil, along with Mestizos such as Guatemalans (including Hispanic Belizeans) and Mexicans, Khalkha, Buryats, Barga, Oirats, Kalmyks, Daur, Moghols, Hamnigan, Tsagaan, Yugur, Khatso, Bonan, Sart Kalmyks, Soyot, Sichuan Mongols, Sogwo Arig, Altai Uriankhai, Ordos, Kanja, Sogwo Arig, Mughals, Khakhas, Santa, Naimans, Dariganga, Khorchin, Kharchin, Köke Nuur, Chaharian, Jalairs, Gorlos, Sartuul, Myangad, Chulyms, Tubalar, Uzemchin, Uradian, Tumed, Baarins, Tofalar, Zakhchin, Hishigten, Dorbet, Muumyangan, Dukhan, Jalaids, Abaganar, Shor, Chantuu, Olot, Sunud, Eastern Dorbet, Aohans, Onnigud, Khoshut, Abagas, Khotons, Alasha, Khoid, Eljigin, Choros, Qaidam, Fujin, Sicilians, Waldensians, Lazians, Marchigianos, Tuscans, Umbrians, Emilian, Romagnol (including Sanmarinese), Trentinis, Ligurians (including Monégasque), Lombards, Piedmontese, Apulians, Calabrians, Neapolitans (including Abruzzans, Molisans, Basilicatans, and Campanians), Venetians, Roma (including Austrian Roma), Iberian Kale, Finnish Kale, Welsh Kale, Romanichal, Sinti, Manush, Romanisæl, Ashkali and Balkan Egyptians, Boyash, Lom, Dom (including Halebi, Lori, and Madari), Pannonian Rusyns, Lemkos, Hutsuls, Boykos, Castilians, Andalusians, Asturians (including Vaqueiros de alzada), Leonese, Cantabrians, Aragonese, Extremadurans, Mirandese, Canary Islanders (including Isleños), Criollos, Muong, Gin, Phen, Chut, Thổ, Nung, and Giáy.