President Biden is drunk with power after announcing a vaccine mandate and our sources reveal he’s already working on more! Are you ready?
Here is a list of mandates Biden reportedly has planned for this year:
1) For the entire month of October, all foods must be pumpkin spice flavor: Biden is a fan of pumpkin spice and thinks you should be too. Bring on the pumpkin spice hotdogs and the pumpkin spice steak!
2) During all the other months of the year, all foods must still be pumpkin spice flavored: Dangit.
3) Everyone approached by Joe Biden must allow him to sniff them without resistance: It is his kingly right.
4) Single women who are “plant moms” must be given 10 months of maternity leave every time they buy a houseplant: Plant moms have been fighting for these rights for a long time.
5) Everyone must wear socks with sandals: Doing so is an important sign of submission to your rulers. Besides, if everyone is doing it, it’s not weird, right?
6) Wednesday is Soylent Green day: Be sure to eat your weekly nutritious food square!
7) Every parent must disclose their favorite kid to the IRS: Just in case the government needs to levy them.
8) Ketchup on pizza: According to Biden, this is the only correct way to eat pizza. Pineapple will also be required.
9) All cats must wear masks: Not because it protects them or anything–it’s just that they do funny things when you put a mask on them. Biden likes that. It is so mandated!
10) All children’s books must be written by avowed Communists: That means no Harry Potter, no Bible, and no Tuttle Twins. Sorry kids.
Someone, please stop this psycho before it’s too late.
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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.