WASHINGTON, D.C.—Vice President Kamala Harris has expressed her concern that she will never get a chance to destroy America, as Biden has lived much longer than expected and will ruin the entire country before she gets a crack at it.

“He’s lived through his first hundred days and already destroyed most of our institutions — there won’t be anything left for me to ruin,” said a nervous-looking Harris as she put her feet up on the Oval Office desk, as Biden was taking a nap. “I don’t know how much longer I can wait. Every time he destroys another industry, devalues the U.S. dollar, causes hyperinflation, or ruins the job economy, a little part of me dies inside — that little girl who wanted to be president and destroy everything — her dreams die.”

“Maybe we can pass some more constitutional amendments so I can destroy those? I don’t know. Whatever we need to do to ensure I still have things to break when he finally kicks the bucket.”

At publishing time, Harris had taken matters into her own hands and rubbed some barbecue sauce on Biden’s sleeping neck in hopes that Major Biden would take care of her little problem.

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