Being a police officer in 2021 kiiiiiiinda sucks, since, you know, everyone will hate you and you’ll constantly be in fear of someone throwing a brick at your head or burning out your cop car just because. Well, we at The Babylon Bee have gathered up nine career choices that are MUCH more appealing than being […]
NEW YORK, NY—In honor of Father’s Day, Planned Parenthood put out a press release reminding the organization’s followers that they have been preventing people from becoming fathers for nearly 105 years. Planned Parenthood spokespersons say the organization is passionate about fatherhood and making sure that men who become fathers have the opportunity to pressure their baby […]
Newborns can be a lot of work. Diapers, lack of sleep, and the possibility that they are racist. These five tips could help! RELATED POLITICAL SATIRE: Congress Passes Law To Recognize Juneteenth, The Day Republicans Freed All The Democrats’ Slaves Biden Announces Putin Meeting Was A Success, Hunter Now Has A Job With Russian […]
NEW YORK, N.Y.—A federal appeals court judge has ruled that a Jewish bakeshop owner must comply with his Arab customer’s request to bake a “Death To Israel” cake. Jacob Greenstein, the owner of Jake Bakes Cakes in Brooklyn, said the controversy started after a customer ordered a special Hamas-themed “Death To Israel” cake for his […]
RIO GRANDE CITY, TX—Trump flew to America’s southern border this week to announce a brand-new Trump hotel unlike anything the world has ever seen. The planned hotel will be almost 2,000 miles long and will be situated right on the southern border. “Yes folks, I’m proud to announce we are building a big, beautiful, golden Trump […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a televised address this week, President Biden voiced support for the LGBTQ community and promised to honor them with a commitment to not only sniff women’s hair, but also men’s hair. “Look– I’ve been sniffing the hair of women and girls for many decades,” said Biden. “It’s time for me to recognize the […]
CORNWALL—A time of peace and prosperity has broken out across the earth after a sudden earthquake opened up a crack in the earth’s crust and swallowed up all G7 world leaders in mere seconds. Witnesses reported feeling a low rumble beneath their feet as Joe Biden, Justin Trudeau, Angela Merkel, and others gathered on the green […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.— An enraged Joe Biden attacked the media this morning for targeting his son over the use of N-word, stating that such language only confirmed that Hunter is, in fact, his son. “Why in tarnation are these bright, articulate, clean-looking black people all upset? You know how I talk about black people, heck you’ve heard me […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats in Washington are demanding reparations from the Republican Party for the massive financial losses of Democrats following the emancipation of the slaves. “It’s been many years, and still, this grave injustice has not been corrected,” said Chuck Schumer in a joint press conference with Nancy Pelosi. “Our Democrat ancestors faced decades of financial ruin after […]
U.S.—A shocking study has found an increasing number of Democratic state governors are fleeing to Florida, desperate to escape the ravages of their own COVID lockdown policies. The report found that Governors Whitmer, Newsom, and Cuomo have already secretly purchased homes in The Sunshine State. “Let me be clear. Florida is a deep dark pit […]
Trump is going to be reinstated as president this August, reliable sources have informed us — the best sources, everyone says so. When this happens, he has a lot of work to do returning America to its former greatness. Luckily, high-energy Trump is up to the task. He has already released a list of the […]
Well, it’s pride month, which is a time of celebration for all orientations, biological sexes, and genders. Thirty full days of celebrating all the letters in the LGBTQ+ alphabet — what fun! We at The Babylon Bee don’t want to get left behind, of course, so let’s kick off Pride Month with a list of […]
MESOPOTAMIA—It was going to be the first-ever Pride Month — a celebration of everyone doing everything they feel like doing in their hearts all the time — when it suddenly started raining and didn’t stop for forty days as God tried to wash all the wickedness off the earth. “Ugh. Well, this ruins everything,” said […]
Unlock a door to a dimension where riots are peaceful and silence is violence. This is The Woke Zone. In our latest video, enter into the Woke Zone as one man sees a riot on the side of the store — but everyone else just sees a peaceful protest. EDITORS NOTE: This political satire […]
U.S.—Well, it looks like the 2024 presidential race is kicking off, with former (and possibly future) President Donald Trump running his first set of ads on the television screens at gas pumps across the nation. The ads began running this week, and mostly feature the politician and real estate mogul asking people if they miss […]
MINNEAPOLIS, MN—As news organizations descended upon Minneapolis on the anniversary of George Floyd’s death, anchors and reporters solemnly reminded the country that racial division will likely always be an integral part of American society. “The racial division that has plagued our country for so long, and that has led to hours of sensational news stories […]
Biden, who is the most popular candidate to ever be elected president, will be a tough opponent to beat in 2024. To face Biden, the Republican Party will need to bring out their best and brightest to run for office! Here are 10 candidates we desperately hope will run. Barron Trump: We don’t know much about […]
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Congresswoman Ilhan Omar proposed a radical solution to the nation’s antisemitism problem: getting rid of all the Jews. The plan is already being embraced by leaders of Hamas, Al-Qaeda, Boko Haram, the government of Iran, and the Democrat party. “It recently struck me that the common thread among all of these heinous […]
Are voter ID laws racist? Of course. But, wait, how did this African American obtain one? Weird! WATCH: RELATED POLITICAL SATIRE: Lori Lightfoot Flees In Terror After Thomas Sowell Takes Her Up On Offer For Black People To Interview Her EDITORS NOTE: This political satire video by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All […]
BILLUND, DENMARK—As part of its new push toward inclusion and diversity, LEGO has unveiled a new set of genderless bricks without male or female connectors. The entirely smooth bricks have no suggestive male nubs or female receptors and instead have entirely smooth, androgynous sides all around. “This represents a new era in inclusive building bricks!” […]
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